Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Bitch, Step Away From The Orange Juice

So as I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently being victimized by illness-making-beasties.  In short, I hate my life right now.  I was already sick three weeks ago, this mothafuckin cold snuck up on me like a goddamned ninja, and I have to sing my face off in front of my friends and family on Sunday.  Therefore, I am less than pleased with my current health situation.

Anywhoo, I stopped by Stop & Shop on my way home from work today to pick up some delicious, illness-making-beastie-defeating orange juice since I have succeeded in downing two gallons over the past three days.  

Don't judge me, I just really like orange juice.

As I'm standing in the juice section, perusing expiration dates and whatnot, this lady to my left all of a sudden asks me, "Do you watch Dr. Oz??"

Me: umb...no.

Lady:  Oh, well I was watching it the other day and he was talking about how almost all orange juice is imported.

Me:  Oh, uhmm...

Lady:  Hardly any of it comes from the US.  Only Florida's Natural comes from the states.

Me:  *snot-sneeze-wheeze-cough*

Crazy Lady:  Did you know that?!?!  Can you believe that?!?! I will ONLY buy Florida's Natural from now on, you couldn't PAY me to buy JUICE that is IMPORTED.

Me:  aye juss wan by joos caus ib sik

Psycho Juice Lady:  Did you say something?  I just can't BELIEVE that different countries COMBINE their JUICE into this IMPERSONATION OF ORANGE JUICE.


I grabbed a gallon of Simply Orange and ran away.

Psycho Bitch Juice Lady obviously doesn't read my blog.  Otherwise, she'd know how many of my Things-I-Don't-Wanna-Hear-About-Whilst-Sick Rules she just violated.


  1. Simply Orange: I compliment you on your choice of OJ. That shit is delicious - I don't care where the hell it comes from. Feel better.

    1. Simply everything is delicious. nomnomnom

  2. See I'm not a fan of Orange Juice. I like it with champagne, and I don't mind it mixed with Cranberry juice, but on it's own it's not for me. I drink it when I'm sick, as long as it's filled with pulp... but it's sort of like torture.

    That woman is fucking stupid. I guarantee you open her cupboards up and it's filled with all sorts of imported stuff. People watch shows like Dr. OZ and suddenly they have a 'stance' on things. I've got a stance. It's called "I'll kick you in the throat if you keep talking."

    1. I share your stance - it's a good one for (stupid) people. Psycho bitch lady definitely qualifies as "stupid."

      And when it comes to juice, I'm actually not really picky...if it's juice, chances are I'll prolly drink it by the gallon. Also makes for a wonderful alcohol mixer.

  3. Who doesn't love orange juice? :D Also, this post is hilarious :D

    1. I believe only a strange few are not a fan of this delicious citric beverage.

      And I'm glad you found my tale so entertaining :D