Bitch, Step Away From The Orange Juice

So as I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently being victimized by illness-making-beasties.  In short, I hate my life right now.  I was already sick three weeks ago, this mothafuckin cold snuck up on me like a goddamned ninja, and I have to sing my face off in front of my friends and family on Sunday.  Therefore, I am less than pleased with my current health situation.

Anywhoo, I stopped by Stop & Shop on my way home from work today to pick up some delicious, illness-making-beastie-defeating orange juice since I have succeeded in downing two gallons over the past three days.  


Don't judge me, I just really like orange juice.


As I'm standing in the juice section, perusing expiration dates and whatnot, this lady to my left all of a sudden asks me, "Do you watch Dr. Oz??"


Me: umb...no.


Lady:  Oh, well I was watching it the other day and he was talking about how almost all orange juice is imported.


Me:  Oh, uhmm...


Lady:  Hardly any of it comes from the US.  Only Florida's Natural comes from the states.


Me:  *snot-sneeze-wheeze-cough*


Crazy Lady:  Did you know that?!?!  Can you believe that?!?! I will ONLY buy Florida's Natural from now on, you couldn't PAY me to buy JUICE that is IMPORTED.


Me:  aye juss wan by joos caus ib sik


Psycho Juice Lady:  Did you say something?  I just can't BELIEVE that different countries COMBINE their JUICE into this IMPERSONATION OF ORANGE JUICE.

Me:  I AMB SIK!! I JUSS WAN BY JOOS!!


I grabbed a gallon of Simply Orange and ran away.



Psycho Bitch Juice Lady obviously doesn't read my blog.  Otherwise, she'd know how many of my Things-I-Don't-Wanna-Hear-About-Whilst-Sick Rules she just violated.