Internet dating is probably one of the most awkward experiences one can ever hope to enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I actually have a few friends who have slogged through the piles of “winners” and found actual decent human beings, but the entire process leading up to that point leaves SO MUCH to be desired.
A little history: After breaking up with my boyfriend over a year ago, I decided to join “Plenty of Fish.”
1) I don’t like hanging out at bars.
2) I’m too busy to actually go out and meet people.
3) Dating co-workers is just uncomfortable.
4) I was horny.
I made up the requisite profile, uploaded pictures, and waited for what I was sure would be charming messages from intelligent, well-spoken, educated gentlemen.
Wrong. So very, very wrong.
The title of this post is a wonderful example of the type of message I receive on a daily basis. Sometimes they’re a little more coherent, other times there are just a bunch of winky faces and comments about my “slammin” smile.
I must admit, I have message answering down to a science. If, at any point in a message title or body, there is more than one word spelled in Stupid-Speak, it automatically gets deleted. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you have a Ph.D. from Stanford in BioEconomics, if you can’t bring yourself to properly spell out words, you obviously don’t know how to make a good
1. “Yo baby wuts good? I work hard play harder yadda yadda hit me up sumtime we shud go out ;)”
2. “Hey sweetie! Hows it goin? I like to hangout wit my friends, party, play sports, video games. Ytyttyyyyytrryrryy Yututyuuuuyuiy Ytryhhhhytyy.”
Briefly attempt to decipher last ‘sentence,’ then Delete.
3. “DAMN U R ALL WOMEN! WUT U DOIN ON DIS SITE?! HIT ME UP IF U WANNA KNO MEEE!!”
See what I mean? It’s almost entertaining at this point, seeing who sends the worst message. So far, that last one is the winner.
^Those are all actual messages, by the way…I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. It's a good thing I don't mind being single -_-