Bitch, Step Away From The Orange Juice

So as I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently being victimized by illness-making-beasties.  In short, I hate my life right now.  I was already sick three weeks ago, this mothafuckin cold snuck up on me like a goddamned ninja, and I have to sing my face off in front of my friends and family on Sunday.  Therefore, I am less than pleased with my current health situation.

Anywhoo, I stopped by Stop & Shop on my way home from work today to pick up some delicious, illness-making-beastie-defeating orange juice since I have succeeded in downing two gallons over the past three days.  


Don't judge me, I just really like orange juice.


As I'm standing in the juice section, perusing expiration dates and whatnot, this lady to my left all of a sudden asks me, "Do you watch Dr. Oz??"


Me: umb...no.


Lady:  Oh, well I was watching it the other day and he was talking about how almost all orange juice is imported.


Me:  Oh, uhmm...


Lady:  Hardly any of it comes from the US.  Only Florida's Natural comes from the states.


Me:  *snot-sneeze-wheeze-cough*


Crazy Lady:  Did you know that?!?!  Can you believe that?!?! I will ONLY buy Florida's Natural from now on, you couldn't PAY me to buy JUICE that is IMPORTED.


Me:  aye juss wan by joos caus ib sik


Psycho Juice Lady:  Did you say something?  I just can't BELIEVE that different countries COMBINE their JUICE into this IMPERSONATION OF ORANGE JUICE.

Me:  I AMB SIK!! I JUSS WAN BY JOOS!!


I grabbed a gallon of Simply Orange and ran away.



Psycho Bitch Juice Lady obviously doesn't read my blog.  Otherwise, she'd know how many of my Things-I-Don't-Wanna-Hear-About-Whilst-Sick Rules she just violated.

No, I'm not crazy, I just have more interesting conversations with myself than I do with you.

I'm not sure I really need to write anything in this post since the title is so descriptive.  

.............................

I guess I'll elaborate, though.  

As I sit here, watching Resident Evil instead of The Oscars (much better TV, if you ask me), I find myself having mental conversations with myself.  

This is not a rare occurrence.

I frequently find that my best conversations happen in my head, or out loud but to myself.  You talk to yourself too, don't even try denying it.  I talk to inanimate objects too, and to my pets...I am convinced this is normal, but apparently not everyone shares the same feelings.  

Tell you a story:  I received a text a few days ago from my friend Jillian (wifey of my bffl, Mel, who will most likely berate me for days for using the term "bffl").  My phone, which is a major POS considering it was expensive and should work better than it does (no, I don't have an iPhone <----loser), did not recognize Jillian's number.  Due to this technological failing, I had to inquire as to the name of the text's sender - Jill told me it was her, and I promptly told my phone that it was a piece of crap and that I hated its existence.  

Via text...to Jillian.  But directing comments towards my phone.

Apparently this is not normal?   Jill seemed to not think so.

So I talk to in animate objects.  Don't judge me.  

Have you ever had a pretend conversation with a person in your head, and then see said person later on and can't quite remember if that discussion actually happened in real life or not?  

Or have an argument with someone, get all tongue-tied during the argument, and then later on come up with the Best-Zingers-of-all-Time as you replay the argument in your head, but it's now too late to use them because said argument happened a week ago?

OR make up some sort of pretend relationship in your mind with someone you're not really close with, but are convinced could be THE ONE if only these amazing experiences you're having in your head could only be brought to fruition in real life?

Ok, that last one sounds a little creepy stalkerish when written down, but whatever.